|
|
Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
Parents’ vision can influence teens’ dreams
Vision, not sight, allows us to truly see. Helen Keller was once asked, “Is there anything worse than not having your sight?” She responded earnestly, “Oh yes, it would be much worse to have your sight but not have vision.”
When I think about the vision I have developed for my own life I often think of my dad. I remember one of my college football games when my team lost and I didn’t even get to play. Needless to say I wasn’t feeling all that confident about my future in football after the game. But my dad, as always, was right there to encourage me.
“You looked great today,” he said. Stunned, I replied, “What? I didn’t even play.” But he insisted, “Yes, you looked great. I saw you warming up. The ball was really spinning. Your day is going to come, Jeff. You’ll get your chance. Think like a starter.”
His optimism left no room for my shortsighted pessimism. In fact, the vision that my father helped instill stayed with me in my professional football career even when the odds were against me. I never achieved a superstar status like Joe Montana or John Elway, but having a long-term vision for what I could accomplish in sports helped me fulfill my dream of playing quarterback in the NFL.
The vision parents impart to children is even more important when the subject is relationships instead of football. My father did more than give me goals for a career in professional football. His love and commitment to my mom gave me a vision for having a lifelong, committed marriage of my own.
One area where we can help our children and teens most is in their attitudes about sexuality and relationships with the opposite sex. Countless research studies tell us that our nation’s extremely high rates of early sexual activity and cohabitation are resulting in crippled marriages, fractured families and broken lives.
Steve Saso, a teen-sexuality expert and co-owner of the San Jose, CA based “Saso Seminars and Counseling Services,” spends a lot of time listening to teens and talking to parents about healthy sexuality. Drawing from his years of experience as a counselor and educator, Saso has outlined the following five steps parents can take to communicate and encourage sexual responsibility in their kids that will guide them toward a healthy future marriage:
- Be clear about your own values
-
Educate yourself and your children on the harmful effects of early sexual involvement
-
Set limits and generate family guidelines that support your kids not becoming sexually active
-
Hold ongoing conversations about sex, love, marriage, dating and relationships
-
Let your children know that if they make choices that go against your values you will always love and support them
In order to reach their goal of having a lifelong marriage, teens need to practice healthy relationships and responsible sexuality today. And although they may not always show it, they are looking to mom and dad to teach them how to do it.
The vision my dad instilled in me for the future taught me to take seriously the choices I made in the present. Though I was anxious as a college back up to be out in the action, every pass I threw in warm-ups helped prepare me for the day when I finally took the field as an NFL quarterback.
We parents have an opportunity to give our teens a vision for the future that will help them practice positive decision making today and allow them to fulfill their dreams for healthy relationships and marriage tomorrow.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
|
|
