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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
It's just a matter of T-I-M-E
Some people may argue that quality time is more important than quantity time. As a father, I had an experience that taught me it’s both. Midway through my son’s fifth birthday party I had to leave for a speech in another part of the country. About seven months later, this little guy was playing in the house when he asked my wife, "Mommy, is daddy going to be at my whole birthday party next year?"
Kids notice when you're there and when you're not. From toddlers to teens, children spell love a little differently than adults. They spell love T - I - M - E. The Families Northwest Teen Relationships study revealed that more than 75 percent of teens “really enjoy being at home with their family.”
Young people in Washington ages 12-18 also said they value their relationship with their parents and, contrary to popular opinion, want to strengthen those relationships. Almost 56 percent said more time spent with their father would improve the quality of their life and 53 percent said more time with their mother would improve their life.
If your children looked at your calendar, day planner or PDA, would they find their names on your schedule? Most families have more free time in the summer for recreation and relaxation. Rather than letting everyone run off in a hundred different directions, be intentional about spending some quality and quantity time together as a family. Check out the following tips for creating better family time this summer:
- Make Time! Before deciding what to do for family time, we must first make the time. Create a family-time calendar. Put family time and date nights with your spouse or children on your monthly calendar, Palm Pilot or online to-do list. In our fast-paced world, families must be deliberate about spending time together.
- Eat Together Regularly. Roll out the barbecue, turn off the television and let the answering machine pick up phone calls during mealtime. Summer is a great season for family meals and parents will get more out of this time by actively listening, praising and encouraging their children. Eating together regularly is one of the best ways to increase the quantity and quality of family time, and summer meals indoors or outdoors add a holiday atmosphere to family gatherings around the dinner table.
- Read Together. Research indicates that reading to children cultivates a thirst for knowledge and stimulates language development. It also increases their attention span and helps them become more curious. Get your children involved in a summer reading program at your local library, and while you’re at it find some summer reading for yourself. Create a regular reading time and make sure you include time for talking and sharing. After reading, go out for ice cream and ask your children questions about what they’re reading.
- Assign Chores. Summertime chores are healthy activities that teach responsibility and self-worth. Whether you’re planting a garden or building a deck, include your children so chores become shared family events. Chores foster teamwork, teach children self worth and reduce a parent’s workload.
- Play Games. When was the last time you threw a Frisbee? Turn off the television and video games at least once a week and get outside to play games as a family. Set up a badminton or volleyball net in the backyard, play croquet or just throw the baseball. Once they’re outside, encourage and guide children to create their own games.
- Go on Family Outings. Go on family hikes, drives and picnics. Pressed for money and time? “Hike” through your neighborhood for a picnic in the park or go to a local ball field to watch a youth sporting event. Go out to local concerts, movies, the zoo, aquarium or museums. Ride bikes to visit family or friends together. Let children plan some trips to encourage their involvement.
- Enjoy a “Date Night.” Couples should plan a regular “date night” without the kids. Date nights give parents the time they need to nurture their own relationship. Fathers and mothers should also take their children on “dates.” This is a great way for children to learn manners and what they should expect on dates. Date nights with children give them the exclusive attention of their parents. Pre-teens especially need this one-on-one attention to help them prepare for teenage dating.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
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