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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
The challenge of single parenting
Count up all the challenges of parenting and multiply them by two. That’s what it’s like to be a single parent: all the same challenges married parents face with half the resources.
No doubt about it. Single moms and dads deserve all of our support and encouragement for facing the toughest and most important job in the world – raising children – without the built-in support of a spouse. What makes their situation even tougher is that few are single parents by choice.
So what can we do to offer help and hope to single moms and dads? Maybe the best thing we can offer these nonstop parents is affirmation. All of us have faced difficult challenges at some point. Wasn’t it a lot easier when we knew that someone else understood just how hard we were working and showed his or her appreciation with a word or gesture? All of us can and should do that for the single parents we know.
And what about children in single-parent families? Families Northwest’s Teen Relationship research recently conducted in Washington showed that 88 percent of all teens in our state expressed interest in getting married someday. Even in two-parent homes, adults have to work at it to give children positive perspectives on marriage and relationships. It’s twice as hard if only one parent lives with these children consistently.
For our kids’ sake, we all need to be consistent role models. It’s especially important for single dads and moms to provide children with a positive portrait of love, marriage and relationships that reinforces their hopes and dreams.
It can be tough to raise children in today’s culture, but we can make things better for our children if we try. In our Teen Relationships study, 93 percent of teens said they consider marriage a lifelong relationship. And the growing body of social science evidence makes it clear that nothing offers more hope for the future well being of families, children and society than marriage.
Are we as parents talking about marriage in an honorable way in front of our children today? Do we seize the opportunity to draw attention to positive examples of healthy relationships and strong marriages? Do we avoid focusing on the shortcomings of others and place emphasis on character and good communications skill instead?
Single parents face the additional challenge to consider their children’s hopes and dreams when they talk to their kids about the dad or mom that’s missing. Speaking about parents in a respectful way can only help nurture a child’s hopes and increase the likelihood that they will enjoy strong relationships with the opposite sex.
Single parents are to be commended for the awesome task they perform everyday under the most difficult circumstances. After all, they are preparing their kids right now to become responsible adults and, in all likelihood, the moms and dads of tomorrow.
If you’re looking for parenting resources, visit the Families Northwest website at www.familiesnorthwest.org. In addition to tips on parenting, you’ll find objective, original research that supports parents in their all-important role.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
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