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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
Pop star’s whirlwind marriage points to value of preparation
Love and marriage may go together “like a horse and carriage,” but too often these days it seems that celebrities and marriage do not; at least not celebrities and lasting marriage.
In the past few years the American public has witnessed a growing trend of rather short-lived Hollywood marriages. Drew Barrymore and Tom Green lasted five months and four days. Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley clocked in at three months, fifteen days.
Now we can add Britney Spears and her hometown friend Jason Allen Alexander to this list of brief celebrity marriages. When it was all said and done, the couple had lasted only 55 hours.
Alexander, the now infamous ex-husband of the international pop icon, offered the following explanation to Access Hollywood for the couple’s spur-of-the-moment nuptials: “It was just crazy, man… we were just looking at each other and said, ‘Let’s do something wild, crazy. Let’s go get married, just for the hell of it.’”
According to Spears’ record label Jive, the couple “took a joke too far.”
It’s not my intent to pick on Britney and Jason. But I do think there is much we can learn from this couple’s whirlwind Las Vegas marriage.
First, Alexander’s explanation for why he and Britney chose to tie the knot has received a lot of criticism in the press, and rightfully so. Though marriage should be enjoyed, it is by no means a joke. And it’s definitely not something you do “just for the hell of it.”
Though disrespectful and flippant with regard to marriage itself, Alexander’s comments actually revealed an encouraging silver lining around the perception of marriage in today’s popular culture.
The fact that the media, including the entertainment industry, found fault with Britney and Jason’s poor judgment shows that even Hollywood still holds a certain level of respect for this time-honored institution. Not all couples know how to make their marriages last, but the general consensus in Tinsel Town is that it is something that should still be taken seriously.
The second, and most important, thing we can learn from this story comes out of the couple’s petition for annulment. According to the petition, “Before entering into the marriage the plaintiff and defendant did not know each other’s likes and dislikes, each other’s desire to have or not have children, and each other’s desires as to state of residency.”
“Upon learning of each other’s desires, they are so incompatible that there was a want of understanding of each other’s actions in entering into this marriage.”
In other words, Britney Spears and Jason Alexander were not prepared for marriage. They didn’t know each other’s dreams and plans for the future. They hadn’t talked through their expectations for married life. And chances are they hadn’t developed some of the necessary skills to build a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
Marriage preparation helps couples experience a positive start to their life together and brings realistic hope for long-term success. It guides them through questions like: “Where will we live?” “How will we handle visiting the in-laws around the holidays?” “Who will manage the check book?” “Do we want to have kids and, if so, when?”
Trained marriage mentors can help young couples discuss these issues ahead of time so conflict and confusion can be reduced later on in the relationship. They can also teach younger couples how to effectively communicate, resolve conflict and manage household finances. Relationship-strengthening classes, books, questionnaires and a variety of other resources are also useful in preparing couples for a healthy, committed marriage.
And research conducted on one of the nation’s most widely used pre-marital resources – the Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program, or PREP – shows just how effective pre-marital education can be. A large-scale study out of Denver found that couples who went through PREP had one-third the likelihood of breaking up in the first five years of marriage compared to survey participants who had not gone through the program.
Most couples that are serious about getting married don’t expect their marriage to dissolve in the first few years, not to mention in the first few months and especially not in the first few days. But all couples, regardless of age, fame or fortune, need the skills and support necessary to build a marriage that can go the distance.
The bottom line is that our culture desperately needs to hear about the value of marriage preparation. And though I’m sure it’s been a very painful and embarrassing ordeal for both of them, perhaps the ill-fated marriage of Britney and Jason will help do just that.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
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