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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
Play time pays off for parents, kids
When I was a professional athlete, playing time was important to me. But when my children were very young, play time presented some challenges I didn’t expect. My wife Stacy and I still laugh about the tee ball set we bought our oldest son, Kyle, when he was four-years-old. I couldn’t wait to get it home and introduce my son to the joy of sports.
Sure enough, Kyle had a great time with his new tee ball set, but I was thoroughly frustrated. After our first outing in the backyard I said to Stacy, “Kyle doesn’t want to hit the ball. He wants to play gardener and he wants me to be his assistant!”
To my dismay, Kyle didn’t care much for baseball. He wanted to play gardener. Instead of swinging for the fences, he pretended the bat was a weed-whacker and the tee was a leaf blower. With Stacy urging me to be patient, I didn’t make the mistake of forcing him to play the “right” way. I reluctantly became his “assistant” and soon discovered the joy of playing a game my son invented.
Taking time to play with our children is one of the most important things we can do as parents. It allows us to bond with them and express love and care in terms they understand.
In addition to developing this critical bond, parent-child play teaches kids about their world and develops their creativity and confidence. It also provides children with an opportunity to express their feelings and imagination within appropriate boundaries.
But child’s play doesn’t always come naturally to adults. Parents often need a reminder that playfulness is really more about attitude than activities. In her book The Power of Parent-Child Play, author Laurie Winslow Sargent discusses a series of barriers to parent-child play and the solutions to overcome them:
Time and energy limits.
To-do lists often overwhelm and distract parents. They either can’t find the time or are too tired to engage in child’s play. It’s important for parents to make room for play and to accept the fact that raising small children means some tasks on the to-do list are going to be left undone. If parents keep the big picture in mind, neglecting a chore for the sake of playtime can benefit them and their children.
Personality and interest differences.
When parents do reserve time for play, personality clashes or conflicting needs can sometimes disrupt the fun. Sargent suggests engaging in play that both can enjoy rather than letting children (and parents) get frustrated or bored. Almost every activity, project or game can be adapted to match individual personalities and interests with a little thought.
Family stress.
Sometimes family stresses like illness, financial troubles and parenting high-need kids leave little time or energy for play. The key is for parents to recognize physical and emotional limits. Some stressful situations prevent parents from playing with their children, and that’s all right provided it doesn’t eliminate playfulness indefinitely.
Discomfort with play.
Some parents feel awkward or embarrassed when playing with their children. Some simply feel they don’t know how. It’s important to know that play can be learned even if it isn’t a natural personality trait. Adults who acknowledge their struggles, practice and seek help from other parents grow in their ability to play with their children and enjoy the benefits.
Balancing play with responsibility and discipline.
Sometimes parents avoid play out of a sense of responsibility to raise well-adjusted, disciplined kids. But playfulness and discipline can be merged to create balance. Shared chores create more time for family fun between parents and children. And a few minutes of play often reduces the need for discipline when problems might otherwise arise because kids are acting out to get attention.
Take the time today to “play gardener” with your young daughter or hide-and-go seek with your son. Enjoy the wonder years while your children are young and available. Playtime is an investment in your children’s early years that will enrich you both for the rest of your life.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's best place for marriage, family life and children.
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