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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
Time equals love in family relationships
Children have a way of getting to the heart of matters and my children have taught me that when it comes to love and relationships, time is an essential ingredient.
Author and youth expert Jim Burns tells a story about his third-grade daughter, Rebecca, bringing him to school for show-and-tell. Rebecca introduced her dad to the class by saying, “This is my dad. His name is Jim. He’s a great guy and he’s bald.”
Feeling both loved and embarrassed by his daughter’s introduction, Jim gave the class a five-minute speech and then took questions. One child named Matthew asked, “How old are you anyway? You look kind of old to be Rebecca’s dad.”
Although he felt his self-image momentarily slipping, Jim continued to answer one question after another. And to his amazement, none were about his career, educational achievements or how much money he made. The kids mainly asked relational questions.
As the session ended and he headed for the door, Rebecca reached out her arms, gave him a big hug and simply said, “Daddy, thank you for coming to class today. I am so proud of you.”
At that moment Jim realized that his credentials, degrees and awards didn’t really matter to his daughter. What mattered to Rebecca was the relationship she had with her father – a relationship nurtured by Jim’s time, attention and presence.
Jim’s story is a reminder that the first step in creating healthy relationships is simply “being there.” Family members grow in love and care for one another through their presence and commitment.
In our fast-paced world, making time to nurture family relationships is easier said than done. Families have to be deliberate about spending time together, but the rewards last a lifetime when parents make family time a priority.
If your most treasured relationships haven’t been receiving the time they deserve, try some of the following suggestions and see if your family grows stronger and closer as a result.
Spending time with your young children.
There are lots of simple, fun activities that parents can do with small children to create family time and build relationships. Read a book with your child and then discuss what you’ve read. Or turn off the television and video games at least once a week and get outside to play games with your kids. Even joining very young children in their normal “play time” with toys or crafts can create wonderful opportunities for bonding.
Spending time with your teens.
They may not seem interested in family time, but research shows that teens want to spend time with their parents and the most common activity shared by parents and teens is simple conversation. So make time for conversation with your teenage children. Ask them what they think about celebrities, movies, song lyrics and current events. Listen attentively to their answers and show them you value their opinions. Create opportunities for talking and listening by finding activities that you and your teens can enjoy together.
Spending time with your spouse.
Time for interaction between married parents is just as important as parent-child interaction. In fact, the health and happiness of children springs from the relationship between their mom and dad. Couples should plan a regular “date night” without the kids to build and nurture the intimacy and friendship that is so critical to their marriage. Remember, as the marriage goes, so goes the family.
In his best selling book The Purpose Driven Life, author and pastor Rick Warren says, “The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time.” Show the most important people in your life that you love them by giving them this most precious of gifts.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as President of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
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