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Family Matters
By Jeff Kemp
Parents are remedy to youth character crisis
A dad and his learning-disabled son, Shea, were walking by a baseball field where the neighborhood kids were playing. The often-excluded boy asked his dad, “Do you think they’ll let me play?”
Feeling awkward about the situation but wanting his son to be included, Shea’s dad approached one of the boys and asked if he could play. “Well, we’re almost done,” replied the boy, “so I guess it’s okay.”
Shea got his turn to bat in the bottom of the ninth inning with the bases loaded. After two failed swings, the pitcher moved in closer while another boy got into the batter’s box with Shea and helped him swing the bat. The ball was thrown gently and Shea hit a soft grounder toward the pitching mound. The pitcher hesitated before picking it up and then fired the ball over the first baseman’s head. Picking up on the plot, the right fielder chased down the ball and overthrew the third baseman’s head.
Shea ran as fast as he could while all the boys cheered him on at each base. When he reached home plate the other players lifted him up to their shoulders. Shea was the hero of the game.
It’s been said that a person’s true character is revealed by what they do when no one is watching. It could also be said that our character is most apparent in the way we relate to others. These boys demonstrated that the greatest abilities in this life are not physical or mental, but the character to love and reach out to others.
If this story sounds “too good to be true” and an exception rather than the norm, is it possible that our children are growing up with a performance-based worldview? Do we as parents join the media and their peers in teaching them that self-worth is tied to achievement, image and appearance? If so, should we be surprised that some young people are unconcerned about the effect their actions have on themselves and others?
The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that one in five fifth-graders has been drunk. The Alan Guttmacher Institute estimates that three million teenagers acquire a sexually transmitted disease every year. And according to FBI statistics, juvenile theft has increased 22 percent in the last 10 years.
These health and crime statistics are symptoms of a growing crisis among our young people - a crisis of character - but despite the discouraging numbers, there is reason for hope. Although parents sometimes doubt it, experts agree that kids are more likely to be influenced by their mother and father than by popular culture or even their friends.
Our children want us to teach them right from wrong and to show them how to love and respect others. Here are a few tips that can help parents build strong character in their children and teens:
Love and accept them unconditionally.
The greatest way we develop character in our children is to let them know our love for them is unconditional. No matter how they scored on a test, performed in a game or behaved in class, they need to know we’ll be there for them with open arms. This teaches them by example the importance of forgiveness and compassion for others.
Take the time to teach them virtues.
Dr. Michele Borba, author of Building Moral Intelligence, says that empathy, conscience, and self-control are the three virtues that form “the moral core” of a child’s ability to develop strong character. Providing an example and discussing these virtues with children will teach them the value of a strong character and help them understand that there are consequences for their actions.
Praise them for ‘achieving’ in the areas that matter most.
Praise your kids for treating others with kindness and compassion just as much as you do for scoring points or acing tests. Excelling in sports and school are important, but if young people receive praise only for performing well, they’ll learn success in life is based solely on achievement.
Model good character in your own life.
When it comes to teaching our kids character a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude won’t cut it. If your kids see you do the right thing they are much more likely to do the right thing themselves.
Good character is a key to our children developing and nurturing healthy relationships with others, both in their youth and in adulthood. Teaching our children to care about and “go to bat for” others builds a foundation for true success: healthy lives and fulfilling relationships.
Jeff Kemp is a husband and the father of four boys. He also serves as Executive Director of Families Northwest, a nonprofit organization dedicated to making the Northwest the world's premier place for marriage, family life and children.
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