Rules Without Relationship Lead to Rebellion
May 6, 2003 |
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Transcript
I was working at home one day, when I heard one of my four boys using a four-letter word while playing with a neighbor in our backyard. I reacted immediately by pulling him into the laundry room where we have our family “business” meetings. I was determined to teach him that his behavior was being watched and that he was accountable.
Things didn’t go according to plan. I had backed my son into a corner literally and figuratively, and he refused to admit his offense. I accused, he denied and the conversation escalated into an argument that wasn’t getting either of us anywhere. We were both fortunate when my wife, Stacy, intervened. She convinced me to drop the subject for the moment and try a different approach.
My opportunity came during a family outing next to a little stream where my son wanted to hunt for crawdads. I would have preferred playing catch with a football to standing in that icy water and lifting large boulders, but before long both of us were totally involved in his favorite expedition.
Half an hour into that moment I chose to remind him about our earlier “discussion” in the laundry room, and he quickly acknowledged his offense and apologized. We were both eager to put that episode behind us and get back to the crawdads in the creek bed.
The experience reminded me that rules without relationship lead to rebellion. It also made me realize that my attention – given on his terms and his timetable – was the key that opened his spirit to the advice of his conscience. The numb feet were definitely worth it. |
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